Past is Not So Far Away
by vertigoSWAY
Summary: Part II in "These Fears and Scars Passed Us By" She was the princess and the Rebel leader. She was a strong-willed the girl, a fierce fighter, a loving sister and a faithful wife. But she was also the girl haunted by the father she couldn't quite forgive.


Part I would be _Break the Chains that Bind_. Please read that one first.

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_**[It's looking like a dream]**_

She didn't get it. She really just didn't get it. Old Republic, Jedi, Sith, the Force, Vader, Coruscant. The now devastated planet of Naboo, once exalted under the rule of Emperor Palpatine. All the different jigsaw puzzle pieces registered in her mind, but they didn't fit. Her mind hammed the moment she discovered she was pregnant.

It effectively –albeit temporarily- made her forget about Anakin Skywalker.

It had taken her four days to finally figure it out.

Luke, Lando and Han had gathered at the Solo's home on the reconstructing Coruscant chatting and doing what Leia called "friendly bonding." All three men used to claim her term made them sound like women but Leia had shot them a look saying that she could wield a blaster better than the three of them combined and they silence for a while.

On this particular day Leia had returned home after a long day at the Senate and had developed a particular interest on pears… which was odd because she didn't particular fancy that fruit. As she made her way into the kitchen and past the sitting room, she caught the speculating glance of her brother. Han and Lando had noticed this as well.

Leia sighed and, giving a dramatic show of rolling her eyes, inquired, "What is it this time Luke?"

Her statement seemed to snap Luke out of his reverie as her brother jumped slightly in his seat like a little boy accused of stealing. "Nah nothing," he responded, shaking his head.

"Another Force thing?" Han asked, regarding the principle nonchalantly.

"Yeah but it's nothing," Luke casually brushed off again. "Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise," he added, eyes sparkling with mischief. Then his eyes flickered off somewhere else in the room and gave a not-so-subtle wink to the seemingly empty air. Leia narrowed her eyes and followed her brother's gaze but whatever had been there –and if she could see it- was already gone. Han and Lando exchanged questioning looks before Lando excused himself saying that his flight back to Cloud City was in one hour and he still hadn't collected his belongings. Leia bid him a farewell before finally entering the kitchen for that pear of hers.

Han swatted Luke on the soldier. "No, seriously," the ex-smuggler said, "What was it?"

But Luke was very good at keeping his lips sealed and when Leia found out the truth herself, she knew how hard that task would have been for him. She could barely contain her excitement as she quickly ran into her room where Han was resting.

"I'm pregnant!"

In an instant, the man was up all wide-eyed and speechless. Even a sound kiss to the lips didn't snap him out of his shock. Leia expected a few words if "that's great" or "wonderful" or something along those lines. Instead the first words he uttered were, "Luke knew before me?"

Leia slapped him on the arm. "Luke knew before the both of us," she pouted. "Are you glad or not?" she demanded.

"O-of course!" Han stuttered excitedly. "Boy or girl?"

"I don't know," Leia responded. "I only just figured it out. The cravings, the sickness. How could I have missed it?"

"It's a boy," Han said confidently.

"What if they're twins?" Leia suddenly thought.

"Luke would know," Han muttered bitterly.

"Don't go there," Leia scolded. "He already knew before the both of us. Now then, you're cooking today mister. If I'm going to lie on my bed sick in nine months, I'd better have something good to eat. I'll have to teach you to make some decent meals."

"You haven't complained before!" Han defended.

"I was cranky from senate meetings," Leia replied and dragged her husband out the bedroom door and towards the kitchen. Like the wind carrying the noise of the bustling planet, Leia heard a soft "_Congratulations Leia_."

Was it Luke? No, that wasn't what his voice sounded like and Leia would know. They'd spoken many times before inside her mind. She could identify the sound of Luke's voice a mile away, with one ear cut off. Maybe someone from the streets, shouting. But it sounded like a whisper.

Nevertheless, Leia glanced to see if the windows were open, allowing the message to be carried from outside.

The windows were closed.

_**[You're in my mind, but you haven't changed]  
[The past seems not so far away]**_

Jacen and Jaina, two lovely Solo twins. Han had eventually extracted information from his brother-in-law. "They're twins Han," Luke had said for the fiftieth time that evening Leia had found out about her pregnancy.

Now the senator lay down on her hospital, completely exhausted. Han was stroking her hand and brushing her messy hair out of her face lovingly. "How are the babies?" she questioned sleepily, barely noticing that Luke had stepped outside and seemed to be having a one-sided conversation. There was no feedback through the comlink he was said to carry.

"They're going to be fine, your Worship," Han smiled.

"Nerfherder," Leia shot back, lacking the conviction in her voice.

"Get some rest," insisted the pilot. He planted a soft kiss on his wife's forehead and continued rubbing circles on the back of Leia's hand until she fell into a deep sleep filled with enigmatic dreams.

She was in a green field. The greenest of the green. The grasses tickled at her bare feet and she could feel the cold, fertile soil beneath. The sun was a brilliant shade of lively gold on this planet and a lake shimmered a few yards away from her. On a whim, she sat down and took a nap. The weather was so peaceful, calm after the storm.

_Leia_, someone called. It was that voice again. The voice who had offered its congrats at Leia's pregnancy, the voice that Leia caught in the many heated arguments during her senate meetings. The voice that told her to calm down and keep herself in check.

_Leia_, the voice called again. _Leia, I love you. In time Leia._

"In time what?" she whispered through closed eyes.

"In time you will forgive me." This time the voice had lost all of its ethereal feeling. She could pinpoint its exact location, especially when she felt a shadow cast over her face and blocking out the life-giving sun. It was as if the sun had disappeared, replaced by rain clouds. She fought the urge to spit out a hostile "no" but settled on a deep sigh.

She was already slipping out of her dream.

_My daughter, I love you._

And she woke up, this time with the two most important men in her life both flanking her bedside. But she ignored her husband first for a moment and sent a scathing look in her brother's direction. She was met with an apologetic shrug that said it wasn't his plan. However, Leia kept her persistent look.

_He's your father Leia,_ the unspoken message came to her. _A part of you loves him no matter what._

_**[My old front yard just doesn't look the same]**_

Luke left his sister's place while Leia gently put the children to sleep. Her new twins, the new best things in her life. And she needed them after the past few years of war and strife. Naming them had been a particular difficulty. Nothing struck them both as fitting for twins and when Han, not really thinking and just acting in the heat of the moment, had suggested family names, Leia gradually fell silent.

These children would _not_ turn into her father. She would see to that personally.

The second and final time that Leia was pregnant, Luke wasn't there to tease her. She was on Nespis VIII and Luke was back in Coruscant trying to prevent the Republic from treating the Jedi at his temple like soldiers. They weren't a clone army, obediently taking commands, as Luke reminded them. However, Leia's brother did call in to offer his congratulations but quickly ended the message, sounding urgent and busy.

No one could blame him though. Tensions had already risen. Former supporters and loyalists to the Empire were stirring once again, just as Luke had once warned after a fitful night of sleep filled with un-interpretable visions. Just as Leia had once heard in the wind the voice of her father telling her to take care.

She had only turned away from the words.

Now she held her new little boy in her arms, new bundle of flesh and joy. So innocent, so cute. Han was to friends and family joking about naming him Han Jr. –something the couple had been bickering about the past several months. But Leia wasn't paying attention at all. Instead, she seemed to be lost in some kind of trance that involved registering the fact that she had a new baby boy and the fact that the atmosphere suddenly felt lighter and livelier. Like a dash of hope and a hint of trust.

Her new boy cooed and Leia smiled. "Hey little Ani," she said, without thinking. The chatter in the room stopped. Leia, despite her political background, was visibly flustered at the silence.

"Anakin," she said a bit more strongly. Her eyes pleaded with her husband, glancing once to her right where she felt that familiar presence and barely saw the slight, blue ethereal glow. Han looked over briefly at the wall, blank to him. He knew who must be there.

"You alright princess?" Han asked.

"Of course," Leia smiled. "Why wouldn't I? We have our little Anakin Solo now."

_**[The little tree it got so tall]  
[It's the only thing that hasn't moved at all]**_

She cried; she yelled. And she took in all out on Luke. "Why couldn't you help him?" she screamed, shoving him hard against the wall and then stopping to wipe her eyes. "Why didn't you save him?" She threw punches at him and her daughter –her only child left- had to restrain her. But Leia only wrenched away. "It's all you fault! I HATE YOU!" Luke let her scream, let her hit, let her blame it all on him. Because it was his fault.

And he knew it. Leia knew it. Han knew it. Jaina knew it too.

Luke let himself be the punching bag, the unmoving punching bag. He didn't bother to say that tomorrow he would be put on trial for the very reason Leia blamed him for. He didn't bother to say that it was a trial that even _he_, the Grand Master of the New Jedi Order, could not win.

Finally, after hours of screaming and blame, Leia finally calmed down and collapsed onto her brother, trying to stop her sobs. Luke gently wrapped his arms around his sister. "Go lie down," he whispered gently, leading her to Han and giving a small bow to his old friend before exchanging one last look with Jaina and disappearing out the door.

Leia felt Han set her down on her side of the bed and give her a small kiss on her forehead, but she had already drifted off them. The princess was utterly spent from sorrow and fatigue.

She dreamed pretty dreams of Alderaan and Endor. Of the many friends she had made over the years. But finally, she ended up on Naboo. The fields of green were endless and filled her heart with much joy. So much joy, that she nearly forgot her recent loss.

Kicking off her shoes, she let her feet danger in the water of the sparkling lake.

There was a hand on her shoulder.

"Leia."

"Father." The woman looked up and saw the ageless face of her father smiling down upon her like the sun. But she knew why he was here and the tears started all over again.

Leia Organa used to cry into Bail's chest every time a nightmare plagued her in the Alderaanian nights. The day after she met the hideous Emperor Palpatine for the first time, she was so scared and angry that she'd spent hours with her foster father, gazing up at the stars, just laughing and telling stories.

But Leia Skywalker never dreamed of crying into the arms of her father who had once tortured her. Yet there she was, dampening the dream shirt of a dream-solid Anakin Skywalker who held her protectively as a father should. He whispered soothing words in her ear and smoothed out her long, brown hair.

Finally, Leia pulled away and rubbed the remaining tears out of her eyes. With a heart-heavy sigh, she fell back and landed with a muffled thud on the earth. Her father looked down at her. "I'm sorry," Leia mumbled. Anakin smiled and gave a small chuckle before following suit but propping himself up with his elbows. "I remember what Luke told me a long time ago. He said, or rather _thought_, that I forgave you even before I had Anakin. That a part of me, subconsciously, loved you despite all that I'd known you for."

"Luke can be… insightful at times." Anakin looked over. "Don't tell him I said that," he whispered conspiratorially. Leia laughed along with her father. "You shouldn't be too hard on him," Anakin continued more seriously. "He takes everything to heart. It's as bad for him as it is for you. It will just eat away at him even more."

"Is that coming from Luke or you?" Leia challenged.

Anakin locked eyes with his daughter. "That's from experience," he answered. Immediately, Leia felt guilty for even questioning her father. Shouldn't she know better after all these years?

"Sorry," she mumbled once again.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, my daughter," Anakin said as the vision of her solid father slowly faded away and she woke to the ghostly projection of the man she had finally grown to accept.

"_Nothing to be sorry for," _he smiled.

_**[I miss you…]**_

"Only you could be so bold."

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**Song used: **_**Amy Ave**_** by David Choi **www. youtube. com/watch?v=TWdb-Uw1Ee8**  
Author's version: **www. mediafire. com/?2dikalf43d9rlzh

**Not has proud of this as I wanted. Still liked Luke's better.**

**Before anything else, I'd like to say that I don't acknowledge all of EU. I mean, I know what happens here and maybe there, but I won't stick to it completely. After all, they aren't strictly speaking **_**canon**_**. So I don't care if Anakin's ghost appears to her at the wrong time, or that the kids are older than they should be, or trivial things like that.**

**I've decided to do a set of Star Wars fics. I don't think I'll do many after that. I feel like if I do a "Luke meets Anakin in the Old Republic" fic, I'll just end up falling into clichés. So I'm refraining for the time being, probably forever unless I get a brain blast.**

**So now you've seen Luke and Leia. Next up is Obi-Wan and finally Anakin/Vader. Then I'll write a combined fic of other character's viewpoints, including a certain alien who doesn't get that much screen time.**

A collected version of all the fics will be available for download when I finish the series.


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